19 May 2012

Questioning Religion

Many of my friends, being Christians, asked and wondered about my religion. Especially since I used to be Christian. And when I explained to them, one came up to me in private and shared with me her aggravations and such about Christianity. The parts that frustrated her and made her want to give up religion altogether.

My religion is one of my own. There are parts that are very similar to the Christian fate. Namely, a kind of god. But there are also parts that are very different, such as the bible (in my opinion, it's one of the worst books in the world).

I had grown up going to church every Sunday, as my mother was, and still is, a stalwart Christian. In fact, she's a Sunday teacher, teaching the little kiddies about Jesus and the bible I grew to hate. Because of this, I had accepted Christianity into my life without question. And in my opinion, this isn't the way religion should become part of someone's life. Religion should be something one chooses on their own. Anyways, this became a problem. My mother didn't necessarily suffocate me with Christianity, but ever since I was a kid who would rather spend her days playing kickball or catching bees out on a clear Sunday afternoon than hearing lectures about some God I was supposed to believe in, I rebelled against going to church. But my mother was adamant about it. Maybe this contributed to my dislike of Christianity.

My confusion and frustration with Christianity first came when I was still in my child years, when I was a steadfast animal rights activist. I hated the parts in the bible where they gave humans the rights to the rights of animals. It angered me to no end. Then came the immoralities committed by the heroes in the bible. And when I questioned some of the things that the church deemed immoral, I came up with the conclusion that no, these things aren't immoral. In fact, in many ways, the church members acted very immoral.

Christianity, along with many other religions, isn't flexible. There are many types, but it rarely changes. It's old, not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's like when scientists believed that everything revolved around the earth, back then. It was like an old, racist (wo)man that turned away from any talk of America's new black president. Or an egotistical doctor that staunchly refused to believe his/her diagnosis was wrong. It refused to change.

And the bible. God, the bible. It was so contradicting and hypocritical, it left me pulling my hair out. It left too much room for interpretation, which isn't usually a bad thing, unless it was declared the 'word of God' and therefore, gave people the right to do things that just shouldn't be done. And the God described in the bible, the holy men described in the bible, and all the things they did... God. I did not want to be a part of that.

In the end, my declaration of atheism came with my anger at the oppression of women within the Christian community, and within the bible. It was the last straw that turned me away from any religion. Even in this modern society, Christianity, and many other religions, does entail a certain inequality among the genders. Sometimes, it's very obvious, but other times it's very subtle. And that, as an Equal Opportunist, was not something I could deal with.

But ultimately, my denouncement of Christianity came from an accumulations of wrongs.

I did not want to worship, nor did I believe in, a god that created this world to be so unfair. To give one creature an innate superiority over another. Maybe one had an advantage physically, but surely not to the point where they were given the right to control another. Upon noticing these factors to most religions, I declared that I was atheist. I would not be a part of a religion that I did not wholly believe in. But yet, I prayed every single night. Every. Single. Night.

Maybe it was habit, maybe it was my inner mind telling the rest of me that my mom had succeeded in turning me religious, if only just. Eventually, I came to terms with my inner mind and declared myself with a god. My god loves and accepts everyone for what they are. My god cannot, and does not want to, control us or the world around us. (S)He generally loves and cares for all that is created. Sure, (s)he gets disappointed in us sometimes, but (s)he will never stop rooting for us.

But ultimately, my god does not give a shit. (S)He has better things to do.

My religion has no names. It needs no followers. And it's constantly changing, day by day. It has morals that I try to adhere to.

There is no heaven and hell. So when I die... I'll just cease to exist.

But maybe, just maybe, someone out there got it all right.

And I'll end up in hell.

Oh well.

(P.S. I didn't mean for this to be about bashing Christianity. If anything, it's bashing all religions. But really, it's about me explaining why I turned away from traditional religion. But yes, I don't mind bashing religions. In fact, I think religions (NOT THE PEOPLE!!!) need a good bashing.)

No comments:

Post a Comment