18 June 2012

Divorce Ain't So Bad

It's common knowledge that divorce rates are increasing all over the world. And most people are alarmed by this. I usually just brush it off. Sometimes, I even rejoice a little.

Divorce isn't a bad thing, in my opinion. But that may just be because I've always harbored a desire for my own parents to divorce. Divorce is a way to get out of a bad thing. It's a way for one to be happier in one's life. It's the breaking of a union between two people, like... endothermic chemical reactions (I have chemistry regents on the brain. My bad.)! Energy must be put into this process and then, the bond breaks. Look, there is nothing wrong with endothermic reactions, and there is nothing wrong with divorce.

I rejoice in the fact that marriages aren't 100% permanent. If divorce ever becomes illegal, I'm never marrying. That's not to say that I want a divorce. If I get married, it'll be to a person and for a life that I know I'll never want to leave. But it's nice to know that if things get rough, I have an escape plan. And I know, that sounds lazy, and kind of wrong. But what I'm talking about by when things get rough isn't if we get into an argument. It isn't if we're short on money and struggling. It's if he becomes an abuser. Or breaks my trust to a point of no return. Or if we both simply fall out of love with no hope of ever falling back.

The divorce rate is higher, not only because people are marrying for the wrong reasons or because they are intoxicated by lust rather than love, but also because now that it's more widely acceptable and accessible, people who hadn't gotten divorces because of religious beliefs or societal restrictions, money problems or etc, are getting it. People who were abused see a way to get out. People who no longer love each other, who have been betrayed and can't see getting their trust back. People who want out.

They deserve happiness. They deserve to be happier than they are in that marriage that is just holding them back from that happiness. What's wrong with divorcing if it'll just make both parties happier? What's wrong with divorce. Period... or question mark! ?

Sure, divorce is bad for the kids, if there are kids. But so is staying in a relationship you're clearly not satisfied in. These kids grow up thinking it's okay to stay in something that doesn't make them happy. Don't you want your kids to be happy? And sometimes there's more psychological ramifications for the kids if you stay with a partner that isn't good for you. Like, the yelling. The screaming. The beating. Whatever. It's bad for not only you, but the kids. I am positive that my childhood would've been happier, and that I wouldn't have been in a bad place, mentally, for the majority of my life, had my parents divorced or never married in the first place (Sure, I wouldn't be alive, but let's not get into that just yet.). Even if that meant I had to live in a cardboard box because we wouldn't have been able to afford living accommodations without a second income. But my parents stayed together, no matter how much I wished and prayed they wouldn't, because that's just what they were raised to believe.

I think back then, that divorce was so rare because the men were the only ones with power. And they had a lot. They had the power to do almost anything they wanted with little to no retribution. They picked their brides, for the most part. They had affairs. They beat their women. Many could go about acting as if their wife was just a servant and sex slave. Why would they want a divorce?

Unless it's like King Henry VII when he just wanted bride after bride.

Many of these women were stuck in these loveless, degrading, terrible marriages. Or at least marriages they would've been happier not being in. If divorce wasn't so socially unacceptable, if it wasn't so expensive or almost impossible to achieve, the divorce rates then would probably be as high as it is now... except for the fact that these women needed these husbands for the money and privileges and rights, they wouldn't have been able to get otherwise.

Now that women and men are more equal (but not completely equal, yet) in some places, women don't need husbands nearly as much as they used to. And men never needed wives in the first place. Men don't have the power to do what they want without having to face at least some consequences, and women don't either. But also, both genders have the ability to escape emotional and physical abuse. They have the ability to get out of a loveless marriage that is going nowhere. That's just holding them back.

They aren't, as divorcees, as looked down upon as they used to be (although, they still kind of are). It's there. That pearly golden gate disguised as divorce that calls out to many dissatisfied spouses.


While true that this increase in divorces and this easier accessibility to it probably causes some marriages that could be 'saved' to instead be... well, divorced, the pros outweigh the cons. And just because a marriage is saved doesn't mean the people involved are happier. Nor happier than they would've been as divorcees.

Marriage doesn't guarantee happiness (but neither does divorce).

In my opinion, marriage is a flawed institution, as most things are.

My inspiration came from this article :

(P.S. This is referring to the Western society, mostly)

1 comment:

  1. I think marriage in the first place is unnecesary. And it is a contract with a signature and some implied and hidden financial obligations. It is not LOVE itself and not a foundation for family. Family is founded on love - mutual love. And love is founded on mutual feelings of trust, respect, and attachment. So, a signature that carries obligations is not where trust, respect, and attachment come from. Love, and what it is founded on, come from within one's "heart" - they form naturally over time. Love cannot be signed or pressured by social norms to "enforce" someone to remain "on duty" to provide and to commit. Love doesn't oblige one to commit. Instead love inspires one to stay committed and to keep providing. Love is when one thinks - "I will take care of him/her because I want to!" Love is not genuine when one thinks - "I will take of him/her because I am now obligated, and so, I have to." True loving relationship involves a voluntary decision to be committed, not a socailly enforced obligation to be committed with signatures and witnesses. So, marriage in the first place, makes no sense. People should be together for love, not for marriage. And marriage has nothing to do with real love, although it is so ritualistic and is so associated with love. Old traditions change slow. That's why divorce is associated with destroying the familiar Old traditions. Not too long ago, birth control was viewed as divorce is viewed today - something tragic. But people evolve, and change comes with no return but slowly. Soon,divorce will be so common, that the institution of marriage will have to be reformed if not abondoned.........Anonymous female. 31 years Old.